This is the sort of post I have avoided for probably five years now. It's the "what's really going on" post, but I have to put it somewhere. As I have no employer, and it's not about work, let's hope it goes better than last time. (ha)
I talked with someone last week who assured me that your Inner Circle is ever-revolving, ever-changing, especially in trying or difficult situations. You'd be surprised at the shift in strong relationships vs. weak ones. What I'm having trouble with is reconciling that with my tendency to be loyal to the bitter end. And I'm telling you, bitter barely describes it. There's some level of guilt I carry in telling friends what I really think when the going gets tough. I'm reminded of the quote, "I may disagree with your opinion, but I will defend to the death your right to have it." Mine would read, "I may disagree with your position there, but you will forever be in my Inner Circle." Might sound screwy, which is why I avoid posting things like this. But again...somewhere.
But here's the thing: the same someone last week said that difficult situations bring out the very best (which I have seen and by which have been so moved - I love my family) and the very worst in people. It also depletes your emotional reserves and you're no longer able to put up with relationships that take more than they give.
So what do you do when you have this BFF view of friendships, but your BF lost the last round of Inner Circle musical chairs? For some reason I can't get my head around this, even though it's a painful reality at the moment. The BF in the BFF is suddenly not F.
I'm supposed to be responding to an email. I'm supposed to explain my absence. I'm supposed to account for my ignoring hurtful voice mails and text messages. What I'm having a hard time doing is a.) saying it well, b.) saying it nicely, and c.) cramming about two years of "why aren't you there when I need you?" into "I didn't return your call because..." And the explanation is evidently required because I'm needed. One word: depleted.
3 comments:
Your blog subject has been on my heart a couple of days. What you said about a friend taking more than giving rings true.
Remember praying at the table at Manuel's. That person got me on facebook and made a huge freakin' deal about being asked to pray. "You don't even know me! How could you ask me to pray?!" As if I did something horrible.
bye bye
That's a great way to get unfriended. Too much trouble.
Sack up and tell her exactly that. You don't have time for this shit. You are not a doormat, and if someone doesn't care enough about you to reciprocate your friendship, why should you waste any more of your time and energy? A relationship takes two people, not one and a half.
Hmm, I'm not as strong as LosingIt, because I am more like you, apt to try to be the roll-with-the-punches kind of friend to the end. But when something truly becomes dysfunctional, you know what to do. I think we all do, it's just a matter of how and when. (XOXO from me in my living room in Portland.)
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